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" pain is weakness leaving the body" my academy instructor used to yell. Its in these weak moments where your soul is being tested. All of the books read, quotes memorized, inspirational vids viewed do not mean a thing if the lessons learned from these things aren't put to use when you most need it. I have so many goals in mind yet I have seemingly unfinished business clouding it all. I look at my life and ask myself, do I really have to do this alone? Am I really turning 30 with no real support system? Wheres the family, the kids, the man, the fly friends ready to go to miami and party? Im estatic about what I know I can do that can possibly bring financial success and a comfortable life style, its no living doubt in my mind that I can achieve these things, BUT at the end of the day when im settled in and the chaos of the day rests, I look around and all I find is the shadows of what could be. Going with the flow of life makes me uncomfortable. Maybe what I desire is not really whats suppose to be. I realize as im writing this that if I stop resisting the life planned for me and say goodbye to the fairy tale in my head, the stress and pressure to be and to have will cease. Yes it would be nice to share life, issues, goals, love, tears, happiness, etc with people in it to win it with you but life goes on...timing is everything. I don't want to wake up one day and say I couldve done this or that but because I wasn't supported I let it go. Its time to utilize what I know to be certain and move forward, even if that means doing it alone....